I have a 6 week old!

I have a 6 week old. . . . 

6 weeks old

. . .and she is the cutest person in the ENTIRE world (even though she's losing her hair). 

How its going

Just when I think I have the hang of things and feel comfortable and confident, I have a sleep deprived night and fall into feeling like I'm a bad mom again. Whenever Riley whines, fusses or cries, I do everything to console her, clean diaper, feed her, more stimulation, less stimulation, try to get her to sleep, and sometimes nothing works. Those are the moments (accompanied by my sleep-deprived stupor) I feel like I'm a bad mom.  We get most of our crying fits in the car seat when I'm in no place to pull over or its only me in the car. She's usually fine if she's so tired that she can fall asleep, but otherwise, its a blood curdling scream. It breaks my heart. I have to convince myself that we can still go out and about. She's a newborn, she's still a newborn- getting acquainted with this new environment and new life outside of the warm cosiness of my tummy. It'll take a while for her to get comfortable in this new world. It gets a little better every day. 

This week has really been good because Riley has been smiling more. 

Smiling in her sleep

She really likes tummy time!

SOOO BIG!

She has also been a lot more alert lately. You can see her studying her toys, and peoples faces, being pleased when she sees a familiar face or hears a familiar voice. We like to play on her play mat while she looks around (especially at the little blue octopus) and even hits some of the dangling toys with her hands. I have yet to determine if its intentional or accidental, but its damn cute. She also slept her first stretch of 4 hours last night. I was up with her at 1:30, got her fed and back to sleep at 2:30 and at 6:30 when she fussed around, I almost threw a party! I've been trying to get her napping more frequently and regularly during the day because I've found that if she's overtired during the day,  it carries on through the night. I guess yesterday it worked. I'm not holding my breath, though, because it could've easily been a fluke.

Playing on her play mat

My AMAZING mom was nice enough to babysit on Friday night. Luke and I went out for dinner and ice cream, while Riley got some grandma time and grandma got some Riley time. She also watched her over night so Luke and I got a good nights sleep before we had to be up at 4:45am! Luke rode in the Tour de Cure Saturday morning, and biked 100 miles! We went out to Minnehaha park, watched him and cheered him on at the finish line. It was really emotional for me to see Luke accomplishing this. I was so proud of him. I handed Riley to him and snapped a pic RIGHT after her finished! 

How I'm feeling

There are a lot of emotions flowing right now. I'm so happy to have Riley in our lives, and to feel like I'm getting the hang of things, but I'm also super overly emotional about thinking about going back to work. She's 6 weeks now and I know a lot of mom's go to work after 6 weeks, but OMG she's so small and I just can't even imagine leaving her. It'll be nice that she's going to be with my family, but what if my brother decides he hates it? What if he loves it, and Riley loves him and forgets about me? What if I miss everything- all of her milestones? Although I couldn't I find myself hating being away from her. Cuddling and kissing her CONSTANTLY, and thinking about her whenever I'm away from her. One day at a time, I have to keep telling myself. People have been having children forever and wouldn't continue doing it if it wasn't worth it. 

We will make it all work. . .